Forgiveness

Forgiveness is often misunderstood.

What, precisely, is forgiveness?

Forgiveness isn’t:

1) Forgiving isn’t forgetting. You may remember the wrong done to you for the rest of your life.

2) Forgiving isn’t saying it’s ok. When someone apologizes to us we usually respond by saying “that’s ok.” but that isn’t really what we mean. When we respond with that phrase, we are not really saying it is ok. What we mean to say is “I forgive you.” Or “I accept your apology.”

3) Forgiving isn’t saying it didn’t hurt. The damage done and the pain caused are completely irrelevant to the concept of forgiveness.

4) Forgiving isn’t saying it doesn’t matter. If we hurt someone, it matters.

Forgiveness is:

When we are wronged, we generally want the person punished in some way. We usually feel that the other person owes us something; an apology perhaps, our dignity, respect, or some object. Maybe we feel that person owes us contriteness or humility. Whatever the case, when you forgive someone, you no longer hold against him/her that expectation.

Forgiveness is the release of a debt. It is a release of the expectation or requirement of restitution.

Forgiveness is undeserved. If someone deserves forgiveness, then the act of granting him/her forgiveness isn’t forgiveness. It’s justice.

Justice is when a person gets the exact punishment that is deserved. No more and no less. It is just.

Mercy is when a person gets less punishment than deserved.

Forgiveness is when a person deserves punishment and gets none.