Tip 16: Frame Questions Using "Why" and "How."
Usually, when you ask a question that begins with "why" or "how," people tend to answer with more thoughtful, more extensive responses than if you ask a question that begins with "who," "where," or "when."
Think about it. Questions that begin with these latter words can lend themselves to one or two word answers, right? But try answering a "why" or "how" question with one word. Not likely. If your goal is to get people talking, think about reframing the questions you ask.
Another great question is "Why do you say that?" or "How did you come to that conclusion?" These are great questions to use that will get your group members to think through their responses and the reasons for the beliefs they hold.
Tip 15: Ask for People's Opinions.
"How about someone who hasn't spoken yet?" "Anyone else want to comment on this issue?" "Does anyone have a different perspective on this?"
These and similar questions are non-threatening ways of inviting people into the conversation. Write out some phrases with which you're comfortable and use them at strategic points in your group meetings to draw in quiet group members. Sometimes just this little nudge can be a turning point for people.
Tip 14: Cut Off Dominators.
Let's face it, they're out there. Many groups are blessed with that spirited person who contributes a little too much. And that can diminish the experience for everyone else. Usually, if the leader doesn't take control of this situation, no one will.
One solution is to talk to the person away from the group. It doesn't take much. Start by affirming the positive and then candidly make your request. "Fred, you really have a lot of good stuff to contribute in this study, but I want to make sure that others have an adequate opportunity to share, too. Would you be willing to scale back - at least a little - the number of times you contribute?"
A second way to balance contribution is to simply cut in when the dominator takes a breath, echo what he or she has said to that point (so they know they've been heard), and invite someone to respond to that.
As a last resort, you might say to the group something like: "I don't want you to feel like you're in school, but in the interest of managing this discussion, it would help me if you all would raise your hand when you want to comment." Then regulate the dominator's contributions in a way that's more helpful to the group.
Don't get your chainsaw out unless it's a last, last resort!!
Tip 13: Connect the Dots.
Another way to enhance the flow of discussion is to connect some people's comments to other people's comments. "So Sherry, you think that the verse calls us to action but Dan, two minutes ago, you said you didn't understand it that way. Can somebody else help us out here?" This is good facilitation because it clarifies where you are with the discussion and where you want it to go.
Tip 12: Echo What's Been Said.
This is such an essential facilitation technique! From time to time, you'll find it helpful to restate what somebody has just said - to "echo" it for the group. Echoing not only lets the speaker know that he or she has been understood, it also serves to clarify that person's point for everyone else. Beyond that, echoing makes it more likely that the rest of the group will respond to that person's comment, rather than just following with an unrelated comment.
So, echo comments where appropriate, and then, since you have the floor at that moment, invite commentary on what's just been said. The flow of discussion will improve dramatically.
Tip 11: Listen for Segues to the Next Question.
It's good to know where you want to go next with a discussion. Sometimes you simply have to announce the transition (i.e., "let's turn a corner now and look at the next question"), but the meeting flows more smoothly if you capitalize on natural transition points. Expert facilitators listen closely for comments that connect to where they want to go next and quickly use those comments to move the discussion forward.
Tip 10: Be Sure That Scripture Is Your Filter.
One would think we wouldn't have to say such a thing, but it seems that sometimes, our filters for right and wrong get clouded, even in Christian circles. Some people use their experience as an arbiter of right and wrong. Some are pragmatists, basing the right thing to do on "whatever works."
There are a lot of worldviews infecting Christian thinking these days, so when group members suggest solutions to problems, don't shy away from asking whether their suggestion aligns with Scripture.
If, as group leaders, we persistently come back to the Bible as God's standards, our group members will too.
Tip 9: Stay on Point
This is the downfall of many small groups. One off-point comment gives way to the next, and before you know it, a discussion about the deity of Christ turns into a debate over which basketball player is the greatest ever. (duh, everyone knows it's Kobe! There is no player in the history of the game that can take over the way he does. And who would you want taking the last shot for your team when the game is on the line? He is the best player on the best team. He is constantly evolving his game and continually makes his team better. Just add him to any team and it immediately becomes a contender. All other teams create their entire game-plan with him in mind, knowing that if you can stop him you have at least a faint chance of winning. But I digress...)
Ever been there? My guess is that you know exactly what I'm talking about.
This is a leadership problem more than it's a participant problem. To avoid it, keep the group focused on the question at hand and follow up tangential comments by bringing the group back to the actual question. Everyone benefits when a leader steers the conversation, and everyone suffers when he or she does not.
Tip 8: Use Good Listening Skills
There's an old adage that says: "Being listened to is so close to being loved, that most people can't tell the difference." You may have experienced the feeling first-hand. Do what you can to make sure everyone in your group feels it as well.
Concentrate on what each person is saying, rather than thinking about your own response. Rephrase their point when appropriate, so they'll know they've been heard. Use non-verbal cues as well that show you're listening. Cues like occasionally nodding, positioning your body to squarely face the speaker, leaning toward the speaker slightly, and so on. You'll be amazed at how such little things can make a person feel "listened to" -- and loved!
Tip 7: Create a Safe Environment for Sharing
In almost any small group, there will be people who are intimidated or shy about participating. There are some things you can do, though, to make it feel safe for them to engage. For starters, be transparent. Share your own struggles. Admit your own challenges with the issues being discussed. Confess your own imperfections and others will feel freer to share their own.
Tip 6: Model the Way
If you want people to listen to one another, then listen to them. If you want them to be transparent and candid, then you go first. If you want them to dig deeper into God's Word, then model that yourself. If you want them to be accountable to one another, then be sure they know of your accountability relationship. Lead by example, not just by words.
Tip 5: Be PreparedThe familiar real estate axiom is that the three most important things in a property are location, location and location. In community leadership--and in teaching generally--one could piggyback on this axiom and say the three most important things are preparation, preparation and preparation. There’s simply no substitute for it (as some of us have seen from witnessing an unprepared group leader or teacher.)Facilitating a community group means you will need to give some thought to how you’ll begin the group meeting, what concepts you’ll cover, approximately how much time you’ll be devoting to each of them, some proposed answers for each topic, and a way to bring the meeting to a close. In your planning, though, don’t worry about becoming an expert on the subject matter. Great facilitation can easily happen even though you might lack expertise. But it’s unlikely to happen without some planning and preparation.
Tip 16: Frame Questions Using "Why" and "How."
