20 Tips / Tip 8

Tip 8: Use Good Listening Skills

There's an old adage that says: "Being listened to is so close to being loved, that most people can't tell the difference." You may have experienced the feeling first-hand. Do what you can to make sure everyone in your group feels it as well.

Concentrate on what each person is saying, rather than thinking about your own response. Rephrase their point when appropriate, so they'll know they've been heard. Use non-verbal cues as well that show you're listening. Cues like occasionally nodding, positioning your body to squarely face the speaker, leaning toward the speaker slightly, and so on. You'll be amazed at how such little things can make a person feel "listened to" -- and loved!

20 Tips / Tip 7

Tip 7: Create a Safe Environment for Sharing

In almost any small group, there will be people who are intimidated or shy about participating. There are some things you can do, though, to make it feel safe for them to engage. For starters, be transparent. Share your own struggles. Admit your own challenges with the issues being discussed. Confess your own imperfections and others will feel freer to share their own.

20 Tips

Tip 6: Model the Way

If you want people to listen to one another, then listen to them. If you want them to be transparent and candid, then you go first. If you want them to dig deeper into God's Word, then model that yourself. If you want them to be accountable to one another, then be sure they know of your accountability relationship. Lead by example, not just by words.

20 Tips

Tip 5: Be Prepared

The familiar real estate axiom is that the three most important things in a property are location, location and location. In community leadership--and in teaching generally--one could piggyback on this axiom and say the three most important things are preparation, preparation and preparation. There’s simply no substitute for it (as some of us have seen from witnessing an unprepared group leader or teacher.)
Facilitating a community group means you will need to give some thought to how you’ll begin the group meeting, what concepts you’ll cover, approximately how much time you’ll be devoting to each of them, some proposed answers for each topic, and a way to bring the meeting to a close. In your planning, though, don’t worry about becoming an expert on the subject matter. Great facilitation can easily happen even though you might lack expertise. But it’s unlikely to happen without some planning and preparation.

20 Tips

Tip 4: Encourage Accountability.

Accountability matters. CEO's answer to boards. Elders oversee pastoral performance. Accrediting bodies hold schools to high standards. Governments guard against excessive power of their branches by maintaining checks-and-balance systems.
Accountability matters in community as well. We're more likely to experience permanent change when we have an accountability partner who will support us, ask us whether we're keeping up with our commitments, and check on our progress. So, early on, encourage people toward accountability and be accountable.

20 Tips/Tip 3

Tip 3: Operate in Joy.
The disposition of the leader powerfully drives the disposition of the whole group. When you adopt a joyful and celebratory disposition throughout the study, others will follow. When you smile, when you're upbeat, when you're genuinely excited to be leading, when you celebrate successes, it will infect the group. And that will significantly improve the experience for everyone involved.

As you know, though, joy doesn't just happen. It's not something you can engineer on demand, nor is it something you can fake for very long. Rather, real joy starts with seeing clearly the opportunity with which God has blessed you. You have been commissioned to help Him make people's lives better through leading this study. Your work with this group is, in fact, a sacred ministry. This sort of perspective leads to gratitude for the opportunity, and out of gratitude flows joy, both in your preparation and in your leadership of the discussion.

20 Tips/Tip 2

Tip 2: Operate in God's Strength.
Tip 1 said that successful Bible Study leadership happens when you make the study about God. Here's the flip side: successful leadership happens when you lead the study through God. The best leader is one who's first a follower. Ask God to empower you to lead beyond your abilities, and return to this prayer often. Additionally, make prayer the bedrock of your group time together as well, at the very least opening and closing each session by collectively talking to God.

Small Group Bible Study Tips

I found these small group leadership tips and wanted to share them.
They come from pages 74-82 of the Freedom From Busyness Leader's Guide by Michael Zigarelli.

Tip 1: It's Not About You.
Leading a small group study is not about you. It's about God. The more you can remain in the mindset of magnifying God and minimizing yourself, the more others will learn from the study. Take a cue from John the Baptist: "He must become greater; I must become less" (John 3:30)

For some small group leaders, this humble posture is quite natural. For others, the ego has a funny way of creeping into everything they do. If you find yourself saying and doing things out of concern for what others will think of you as the leader, that's a red flag.
Instead, try not to worry about your reputation and people pleasing. Your job as a small group leader is simply to co-labor with God to draw people closer to Him.

So, to boil it down to a sentence: To lead a small group with excellence, be the "guide on the side," not the "sage on the stage." This is God's group. Keep Him at center stage.

Bible Study for 1John 4:7-18

1John 4:7-18

Get Started:
1. What is your favorite love song of all time? Romantic movie?

Go Deeper:
2. In 1John 4:7, it says that if you love people you know God. What does this mean for Hindus, Buddhists, Atheists, etc who love people? Can only Christians truly love people?

• Scroll down on the blog to find some thoughts on this question.

3. Verses 9 and 10 explain how God showed His love. Why are these verses critical in understanding everything else John is saying about love?

• This represents John’s model. It’s the thing that he points to as he continues his discussion about how we should love.

4. In John 3:16 and 1John 4:11, we see the phrase, “so loved.” What is it about love that John is communicating in these two passages by using that phrase? Do you think he is referring to quantity or quality?

• Scroll down on the blog for thoughts on this question.

5. In 1John 4:10, John uses the phrase, “atoning sacrifice for our sins” for the second time in his letter. (the first time in 2:2) What does it mean for a sacrifice to be atoning and why John is mentioning it.

• Scroll down to the "Scapegoat" post.
  

6. Read 1John 4:13. In this verse, it says that we have been given of His Spirit. Why is it important to know that God has given you of His Spirit? What Bible passages describe the importance of the Spirit in connection with what John is saying about how we know we live in Him and He in us?

• We have access to God by His Spirit. Ephesians 2:18 For through him we both have access to the Father by one Spirit.
• The Spirit is God’s seal of ownership and His guarantee of what is to come. 2Corinthians 1:21 Now it is God who makes both us and you stand firm in Christ. He anointed us, 22 set his seal of ownership on us, and put his Spirit in our hearts as a deposit, guaranteeing what is to come.
• This deposit is given when you believe. Ephesians 1:13 And you also were included in Christ when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation. Having believed, you were marked in him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit, 14 who is a deposit guaranteeing our inheritance until the redemption of those who are God’s possession—to the praise of his glory.
• You can know and show evidence of the Spirit in your life. Galatians 5:22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.

7. In verse 17, John refers to having confidence on the day of judgment. How confident would you be if you knew the day of judgment was tomorrow? Do you have any evidence for your confidence? Should you have?

• If you take a look back at question 6, you will see that this question and that one have some strong connections.
• Hebrews 4:15 For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet was without sin. 16 Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.
• Ephesians 3:12 In him and through faith in him we may approach God with freedom and confidence.

8. In 1John 4:18 he says that perfect love drives out fear because fear has to do with punishment. In what ways have you seen the perfect love of Christ drive out fear in your life?

Making The Connection:
10. Do you need Christ’s perfect love to drive out a fear that you have? Pray about that in community.

11. How can you help someone overcome a fear by showing him/her Christ’s love? Pray about that in community.

Quote Of The Week:
The remarkable thing about fearing God is that when you fear God you fear nothing else, whereas if you do not fear God you fear everything else.
--Oswald Chambers

God so loved

In John 3:16 and 1John 4:11, we see the phrase, “so loved.” What is it about love that John is communicating in these two passages by using that phrase? Do you think he is referring to quantity or quality?

I think my daughter has much love. In other words, she has a large quantity of love and she's very cute in the way she shows it. Because of her love, she sometimes gives me gifts that come from her toy box. I enjoy getting gifts from her toy box. (sometimes she will wrap them in writing paper) Regardless of the type of gift, I know that her love is true, and that there is a lot of it. She gets an “A” for quantity.

While she has much love, I would have to say that there is a certain quality of her love that has room to grow. It is seen in this: shortly after she gives me the gift from her toy box, she wants it back so she can play with it. When I ask her if the toy is really mine, she says yes. However, she still wants it back and expects me to give it to her. Since she is my daughter, I give her an “A” for quality also. But only because the quality seems appropriate for her age (6 years).

It seems that there is a relationship between quality and quantity in the category of love. Large quantities of love can be expressed in shallow or deep ways. What determines whether it is shallow or deep is the quality.

When John 3:16 tells me that God “so” loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, I see quality. In this case, the word, “so” could better be understood as saying, “thusly,” “like so,” or "in this way."
In other words, God loved the world and showed it like so: He gave His one and only Son. Likewise, 1John 4:11 says, since God “so” loved us. Notice once again, in verses 9 and 10 we are told that God “showed” the quality of His love by doing something in particular. He sent His Son to die for us. Once again, quality seems to be the focus. The word, “so” used here is ootos in Greek. This word is an adverb and describes degree. The Strong’s Concordance translates the word, “in this way.”

I’m not saying that quantity is unimportant. I am just saying that I think the focus in these two passages is not on quantity. It is on love’s manifestation; its cost; its quality.

John seems to be saying; “If God’s love looks like the offering of His one and only Son unto death on a cross for our sakes, what should our love look like?”

Do you have to know God to show true love?

In 1John 4:7, it says that if you love people you know God. What does this mean for Hindus, Buddhists, Atheists, etc. who love people? Can only Christians truly love people?

In one sense, it seems like this question doesn't really apply because this letter appears to be meant for a group of Christians.

But, let’s say it did…..
There are many ways that any person can know God.

You can know God through His creation. Psalm 19:1 The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of his hands. Day after day they pour forth speech; night after night they display knowledge. There is no speech or language where their voice is not heard.

You can know God through morality. Romans 2:14 Indeed, when Gentiles, who do not have the law, do by nature things required by the law, they are a law for themselves, even though they do not have the law, since they show that the requirements of the law are written on their hearts, their consciences also bearing witness, and their thoughts now accusing, now even defending them.

Here’s the problem. Romans 1:21 For although they knew God, they neither glorified him as God nor gave thanks to Him, but their thinking became futile and their foolish hearts were darkened.

You don’t have to be a Christian to love people. But, you do need the sacrifice of Christ on your behalf to gain the forgiveness of sins. Therefore, the more important question is; how can Christ’s sacrifice apply to me?

Thoughts on Forgiveness

Here are some thoughts that may be helpful as you think about what forgiveness is and isn't.

What Forgiveness is not
Forgiveness isn’t saying, “What you did to me is Okay” What the person did may be dead wrong.
Forgiveness is not forgetting that it ever happened. .
Forgiveness isn’t denying that it hurt.
Forgiveness doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt anymore. It doesn’t mean that you no longer feel any emotions when you think about it.

Forgiveness is not pretending
“I can’t pretend it didn’t happen.”
God doesn’t call us to pretend, or retreat from reality. Forgiveness isn’t forgetting reality, it’s facing reality. Forgiveness is not closing our eyes to the past. But it is opening our heart to the future..

Forgiveness is not Foolishness
If you steal from me, I can forgive you, but I don’t have to loan you money again. It’s doesn’t mean you have to go back to being best friends. It doesn’t necessarily mean you ever have to spend time with them again. It doesn’t mean things are going to be like they were before.

What forgiveness is
What is forgiveness?
Forgiveness means that when someone sins against you, you put the punishment for that sin into God’s hands. It’s giving up your right to be repaid for the wrong committed against you. You let go of their debt and give it to God. It's like saying, "God, if you want to collect on it, or punish them, that’s your business. But I’m not going to demand punishment. I’m not going to demand they pay me back."
Forgiveness means that you no longer reserve the right to hold your hurt against them in God’s sight. Forgiveness is the opposite of prosecution. Forgiveness is deciding not to prosecute the case in God’s court of law

The Bible uses the analogy of debt.
In the Lord’s prayer, it says, “Forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors.” Forgiving someone who sins against you is like forgiving the debt of someone who owes you money. You’re not saying that they didn’t take the money, you’re not saying that you don’t have a right to collect the money, you’re not saying that you don’t have the right ask them to pay you back. You simply choose to not exercise that right. You sign the note over to God. You release your claim to God and let Him decide whether or not He wants to collect.

Hope these thoughts help.